Thursday, August 27, 2015

The ultimate choice

Today I saw someone pose the question "what have you done to make a difference in your life?" (or something to that effect). Many people are talking about making a choice to exercise, making a choice to eat differently, some get a little more insightful and say they decided to love themselves, accept themselves, etc. All good answers, but this is my blog, so this is about my answer :)
Without going into detail about some of my struggles and the challenges I faced in my life, I will say, by the time I was 22 I was escaping one marriage, with a 1 year old, in the middle of my graduate degree, overweight and overwhelmed. In the next couple years I would start to change my mindset on a few things. For now, I'm going to connect it to my weight and then I'll expand. I'd been overweight my whole life. By the time I was in my early 20s I had reserved myself to just being this way. It was not my choice. It was just who I was. I was never going to be different. And then I got connected with a weight loss program that taught me it was my choice... and I started to find success. While I am not connected to this program any more, the things I gained during the years I was involved was invaluable as it was a catalyst in my life.
What did this teach me? It taught me that while there are going to be times in our lives when we will truly be a victim (for example, my marriage), ultimately I can make a choice to remain a victim or I can make a choice to stop accepting my lot in life and do something different. I use the statement often that I stopped letting the universe act on me and I started acting on the universe. I stopped simply accepting that I was always going to be overweight, abused, or whatever it might be. I started looking at what I could do to make things different. I might not always be able to stop the legitimate victimization that happens, but I can stop allowing perpetrators to control me. Despite facing some struggles during my divorce, I did NOT stop fighting for the things that really mattered, because I learned I could ACT ON this and not just accept it. Despite facing some struggles getting through graduate school, I did NOT stop working towards my degree and in the end, I got it because I focused on doing what I could do every day to get it done. Things suck sometimes... that's the way it is, but when you stop rolling over and letting yourself get stepped on, you can take the kicks, get back up and start acting on the universe. What do you have to lose? Nothing is going to change unless you decide to change it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

It's my blog, and I'll whine if I want to...

It's not so much a whine as it is a vent or expression of frustration. WOMEN!! Every single one of you (so, like the 3 of you reading this, who aren't the issue anyway haha!) needs to step back and take a look at the times in our lives we have hurt other women. I can see the times I have done it and I have owned it and done my best to not go back to those behaviours. We live in a society where it's not only okay, but acceptable and sometimes encouraged to be cutthroat and vicious to other women.
I want you all to think about why this is okay? Why is it okay to say rude things and criticize another woman's body? Why do people laugh when we make fun of another woman's clothing? Since when is it absolutely acceptable and even sometimes coveted to be the "other woman"? We live in a world where we are raised to think we need to FIGHT and SCRAP to "win" - men, status, beauty... Maybe, if I roll my eyes and talk about what a "bleep bleep bleep" that girl is, my boyfriend won't like her and he'll view me as better. Maybe if I comment on how trashy she looks, people will notice how much higher status I am socially that I don't dress like that. If I hit on him and he comes home with me, he wants me more than his wife/girlfriend and then I "win". STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
One of the reasons I love powerlifting so much is that I see less of this. I used to be involved in other sport, where this was rampant. I can still look back and remember some of the terrible things my friends and I said and it makes me sad that I resorted to the same crap. Now, I admit, powerlifting isn't free of this... I still see it and I hear it and it emerges, but it has always shocked and impressed me that there is so much less of it than in other places. I'm not saying you need to like everyone. I'm the first person to tell you I'm not going to like everyone and everyone isn't going to like me... but, what we should do, is respect each other. What you're wearing doesn't impact me... wear it! What you do for exercise doesn't impact me... do it! What plastic surgery you want to have done doesn't impact me... pay for it! And I don't win anything in life because I hit on your husband/boyfriend... if he goes home with me, I probably shouldn't want him anyway, because clearly neither of us is respectful.
Wouldn't it be nice if we remembered the reasons we fought for each other, not against each other? I see the next meme all over the place and I really love it... my powerlifting friends share it all the time (of course). I'd like to see it happen... I'd like my daughters to grow up in a world where THIS is the case...

Monday, August 24, 2015

Mirror, mirror, what do you see?

This post comes with a big disclaimer: This blog is not meant to be a substitute for direct therapeutic intervention. It is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is primarily my thoughts and opinions and should not be used in place of individual or group therapy services. If you believe you may have a serious condition that requires intervention, please contact your doctor or local Mental Health services.
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? This post is one that I have resisted writing, in part, because I find the topic a bit overdone, but also because it's a highly personal topic for me. A wonderful woman, April, who has become someone I consider a dear friend, asked me to write about it, and I can't say no to her ;) How is my take on this going to be different? Well, I'm not going to tell you simply that you should go lift weights and transform instantly into a powerful, strong, self assured woman! That's what most people do, right? I've read all those blogs... and those, combined with my lifting and my education have not been successful for my magical transformation and surge of all good feelings of self worth.
Most of us are going to struggle with this from time to time. We can call it self worth, self confidence, body image... it all comes down to the same thing. At the end of the day, it's about how we view ourselves and in turn, how we speak to ourselves about that. We've all heard the term "fake it till you make it" and it's actually true! If you tell yourself over and over that you are strong and beautiful, your brain will start to believe it... but, if you tell yourself over and over that you are fat, ugly and unworthy, well, your brain will believe that too. We live in a society where most of us can never live up to the images we are bombarded with. This used to be a "female problem" but more and more it is becoming non-specific... guys have these ridiculous standards now too. I'm not going to tell you to "get over it". One more post like that and I think I might scream. What about those of us that don't just "get over it"? Now, one more time I get to feel like I don't live up... not only do I not live up to the physical standards of society, but now I get to feel bad that I feel bad that I don't!! I'm going to ask a few questions that I hope you will think about though... 1. What do you think might happen if you stopped criticizing yourself all the time? 2. What is the worst or most threatening part of liking yourself where you are at? 3. How do you think your life would change if you liked your body? 4. What needs to happen for you to decide that you want to like your body? 5. How will you know it's time to change the way you see yourself and the way you talk to yourself? There's more I could write, but I think these get the point across. That's how this blog is different... I'm not going to tell you that you SHOULD like your body... who am I to tell you what to think, do, like or act? Heck, I'm sure as heck not going to climb up on my soapbox and shout from the rooftops how you should all love yourselves when I wake up many mornings and pick myself apart and do all the things I wish we didn't do to ourselves.
As I said above, this isn't therapy... but, if you think you might like to start making some changes in how you talk to yourself, how you view your body and challenge the negative self image, here's some ideas. I'm giving you slightly non-conventional ones here, but basic CBT thought replacing works too, but lots of people know that already... 1. No full length mirror month - this can help for body image stuff, but if you are picking apart your face and hair too, it won't work the same. I know this works, because when I broke my full length mirror, I found after a month or 2, I had stopped obsessing over my cellulite... I stopped using the dry brush, pin pricky thing, creams and I stopped crying most days and telling myself how hideous I was. Out of sight, out of mind. 2. Sticky note positive affirmations - this is stolen from a million other people but mostly from a therapist I worked with (I was the client) and she had me buy bright neon sticky notes and write positive self statements on them and stick them all over my house. Here's the kicker - phrased positively and present tense. Write "I am fit and healthy" not "I will be fit and healthy"... fake it till you make it, right? 3. Trace your body - this one can be powerful and can invoke a lot of feelings. The task goes - you take a long sheet of paper (big enough you can have someone trace you) and you draw what you THINK your body is... then you lay down and someone traces what you really are. I like to up the ante on this one by having the person write all those negative phrases, words and thoughts down on this paper... every nasty thing someone said to you or you said to yourself... the thoughts that haunt you and make you feel terrible... sit with that paper... see it and really feel the way those words hurt and sting... now, when you are ready, shred it or burn it... and with that tearing or burning, I want you to speak out loud all the things you are giving up with that - give those thoughts and the hurt, sad feelings to the Universe.
Be well in the world... and please, if you need more support, find someone locally you can speak with. Sometimes these struggles are a symptom of a more serious condition and you deserve to seek support for that. Don't be afraid... things can be better.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Change is a choice

I debated calling this "it's all a choice" but I feared people would misinterpret that as meaning I think people "choose" to be victimized, taken advantage of it, etc. And really, it is centered on change, although can apply to many things. So what do I mean change is a choice? Of course, change is a choice! The problem with most people is that they unknowingly stick themselves in the role of victims. Change is hard.. it's uncomfortable and it's unsettling.. How many people have you personally heard say things like "I meant to but..." or "I was going to but..."? I'm going to relate this to eating and training for a bit to make it more tangible. Woman A wants to lose 20lbs. She gets on board with a solid eating and training plan. She gets her macros and knows where to start. Let's say she's been seriously undereating for a long time and needs to build back up a bit so she has somewhere to cut from. Eating 200g of carbs a day scares her - she fears she's going to put on a bunch of weight and she doesn't trust that this will work. What she's been doing isn't working either, though, so she knows in her head she needs this change and she needs to try something different. She has 2 choices - eat the macros, eat the carbs, regardless of the thoughts and fear that circle her brain every night... or don't. I hear so many people say "help me... every night I get to 125g of carbs and I'm so afraid to eat more that I don't... what can I do?" YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE!! There's no magic to this. Every one of us has to face the anxiety of change. There's no way around it. Anxiety is the most self-reinforcing condition there is - every time you avoid something that causes anxiety your brain says "oh, that feels good, let's do more of that avoiding thing". Every time Woman A avoids eating more carbs and her anxiety retreats her brains says "see how good it feels to avoid that?" So, how do you get this anxiety to go away without avoiding the thing that invokes it? You withstand it... Woman A eats the extra carbs. Maybe she can't commit to eating 200g on day 1, but she can withstand the anxiety that emerges when she eats 145g on day 1 and she can do that days 1-3. Then she can withstand the anxiety that comes when she eats 165g a day and she does that for a few more days... and so on. This is what I mean when I say it's a choice. IT'S A CHOICE TO WITHSTAND THE ANXIETY THAT ACCOMPANIES CHANGE! There are lots of things you can do to help yourself cope with the anxiety - the one I highlighted was using an exposure ladder (small increments towards the ultimate goal), to make the anxiety "smaller" and able to tolerate better. Google any kind of mindfulness activities and find what you like. You can teach yourself to positively self talk. When I have anxiety over something I am working on I will tell myself "hey anxiety brain, I see you there. I know this is uncomfortable, but you're not going to kill me, so you're no big deal". Sounds corny, but try it perhaps... warning, these strategies are things you need to keep trying because it won't work flawlessly from the starting horn. It takes time and mastery. At the end of the day, we all have a choice in our actions. Is what you are doing consistent with the person you are choosing to be? If not, then pick one thing you can do today to get yourself on the road to that person. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you, no matter how much your brain tries to trick you... change is hard, withstanding the anxiety and distress is hard... it's also a choice.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Inspired by my brother and a million people posting PRs on FB

Quite awhile back my brother (#stinnsystem4life) posted about not giving up when the PRs slow down, or even, God-forbid, STOP. He used the metaphor of climbing a hill and how it gets slippery and you really gotta dig in to reach the top... but that many people decide it's too hard and stop. It was a great post and he's a smart guy. Shortly after that I wrote something brief, referencing him, for the people involved in this Eat to Perform group about not getting discouraged with the PRs don't come so easily. When you first start eating and fueling your body properly, you will find the PRs come flowing... if you even have moderately decent programming and form and you're relatively new, this can be huge and you can make giant gains. Even I, despite being 7 years into lifting when I shifted my eating, have found the competition PRs to be steady (although let me state, it's hard to isolate one thing that has helped as right around the same time I started eating better my brother brought out the Stinn System.. while he'd always programmed for me, this programming was a long time in the making and included some cool blending of ideologies)... and I'm superstitious, so let me "knock wood" after making that statement above. Okay, back to the topic at hand. Some day, no matter how good your training and fueling is, the PRs will stop. The competition PRs will stop and the gym PRs will stop. You will face going into the gym and not hitting those same big numbers any more. This is when you need to dig in. Or, I guess you could quit, but I don't think you should. I don't even think you should jump ship and find a new program unless you've now stagnated for a long time. What you need to do is get your head into it. You need to go in and do the work, day in and day out. You need to recover well, eat well and keep training. You likely don't need to deload... in fact, a huge pet peeve of mine is when relatively new lifters say "I've been running 531 for 3 weeks and I PR'd all my other lifts, but didn't PR my overhead press, should I deload?" PROBABLY NOT! You probably just didn't PR your overhead press... Most people don't ever work hard enough or long enough without enough recovery and food to truly overtrain. Sure, it happens, but the average person won't get there. And when you do start to find yourself "over-reaching" (happens before overtraining), you'll know and then you should ease up for a few days before you're off and running. Ultimately, I'm not talking about these exceptions... I'm talking about when you are going to the gym and it stops feeling easy and constantly reinforcing. Just under a year ago I was consistently squatting 127.5-130kg in the gym in a belt... pretty regularly... now, look, I wasn't squatting 127.5 then 130 then 132.5 week to week. I was consistently squatting my top single for that day in that range. Guess what, 2 weeks ago I squatted 125kg for a single (brother told me to do a second, but I felt like I was in a bad position). I didn't quit... I didn't get pissed... I did my drop sets and came back the next day and the next and the next. Because I have a hill, just like everyone else, and just like my brother, I intend to climb it and check out the view.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Sugar "addiction"?

I wanted to write this with research, but today a post on the a FB page prompted these ideas... I'm not editing at this point for errors and I am not backing it up with research right now although I may go back and edit after We can all be addicted to pretty much anything... but at a physiological level we are all "dependent" on sugar (most people link the physiological dependence of a substance on the word addiction) because our bodies need it to function... in fact, our bodies need it so much if you take carbs out it goes through a process to convert protein and fat to useable energy. At a biological level we are all dependent. Does that mean you are addicted to sugar or do you just really like it? Are you addicted or do you just seek energy? This is a close second for me when people tell me these small things in their lives are "traumatic"... no, you are bummed, or it was upsetting... it is not traumatic. Do you know what a true addiction looks like? Would you sell your body for a sugar cube? Would you not pay rent so you could eat some ice cream? I don't care much what processes it hits in the brain.. I get it well, that the sugar+fat combination hits the very same receptors and pathways as drugs. Did you also know you can just really like cocaine and not be addicted? Or marijuana? Or gambling? You can set off all the wonderful pathways in your brain for reinforcement and adrenaline, but not be addicted. I think saying "I'm addicted to sugar, help me" is often akin to people saying "our church basement flooded... it's so traumatic"... it undermines the seriousness of a true addiction and it puts you in the role of the victim... because people can be truly powerless to addiction and if you are powerless to sugar, then it's not really your fault, right?

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

The motivation post I've basically written 100 times

mo·ti·va·tion ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/ noun the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. "escape can be a strong motivation for travel" synonyms: motive, motivating force, incentive, stimulus, stimulation, inspiration, inducement, incitement, spur, reason; informalcarrot "his motivation was financial" the general desire or willingness of someone to do something. "keep staff up to date and maintain interest and motivation" synonyms: enthusiasm, drive, ambition, initiative, determination, enterprise; informalget-up-and-go "keep up the staff's motivation" Sounds pretty easy doesn't it? I mean, dictionaries make everything sound complicated, but really, motivation is just simply my reason for doing things. What if I said, in my experience, motivation is just a made up, abstract concept that really doesn't drive us to action? You might disagree or you might start to ponder this thought. Dr. David Burns writes about how ACTION actually precedes motivation. Burns writes: “If you said motivation, you made an excellent, logical choice. Unfortunately, you’re wrong. Motivation does not come first, action does! You have to prime the pump. then you will begin to get motivated, and the fluids will flow spontaneously.” I ask people often "so what do you do when motivation fails?" And they never have an answer because what they DO is usually quit. Now, Burns refers to this in regard to treating mood disorders but it can be applied to pretty much everything. In fact, I apply it on a pretty regular basis when I am posting on Facebook in fitness groups. I think I have averaged writing it out once a week for the last several months on facebook pages when someone says "help! I lost my motivation". Of course you did... because it's not real and you can't actually hang onto it. When I reply to these people or when I'm talking to my clients, I don't ask "what can you think of to help you?" I always say "what can you DO to take one step in the direction you desire?" It doesn't really matter what their "motivation" is to change their lives.. It matters what they can DO to change their lives. And then it's about what is that person prepared to do (but that might be another post). In the end, what is most important is stop sitting around waiting for the Motivation Fairy to sprinkle some dust on you to lift you magically off your couch... even if she stops in for a moment, it won't be long before you are back on your couch. ACTION creates MOMENTUM... MOMENTUM creates what feels like MOTIVATION. Do one thing today... don't think about it, don't plan to start Monday when you "feel" like it... do one thing today that puts you on your path that you want... whether it's related to eating, lifting, or anxiety. And then every time you make a choice, don't think about what you want... just make a choice to do that over and over! But choice is also another blog....

Why I'm blogging

Well, I have often been known to say I started powerlifting before this blogging thing caught on, so I missed my moment. Best I ever had before this was a training blog but I rarely kept up with it and it was really just to have all my "stuff" in one spot. Frankly though, the gym is more important than blogging what I did (it's all written old fashioned style in a series of notebooks piled up at the gym). I got connected with a fitness and nutrition group almost a year ago and in chatting with those folks and seeing the growth in their community, I started doing more rambling. In that, I often said "I don't blog, so you guys get this thought here..." And that happened a few times. Knowing I had this old account I could just find and log in to (thanks Google for making it so easy... I happily oblige in helping you take over the world), I decided maybe I would blog. Maybe no one will read it and maybe no one will care, but why shouldn't I at least write my thoughts down and then I have them shared. Heck, I wrote an article on strength sports and the value of visualization (as well as a brief guide on how to do it) and I spend countless hours tracking it down all the time when people ask about it... I'm not that organized in case that wasn't obvious. So, here's my blog... it's going to be various things but mostly it's going to be my thoughts and ideas that come based on the fact that I cannot disconnect my psychologist brain from the other aspects of my life. I've been a psychologist too long and I am annoyingly reflective and introspective (just ask my partner about the annoyingly part). I'm also passionate about powerlifting and so many aspects of our society and culture. I'll try not to get too personal and mushy too... blech!!