Thoughts, feelings, actions and COOKIES!

This one is going to be kind of “psychology heavy” but I’m going to take some psychological concepts and strategies and apply them to real life food and training examples. The power of psychological concepts is that they can and should be applicable to pretty much everything we do.

The first thing I want to write about is something I hear most days from someone. Not always at work, but of course, given my job, I hear it in that setting. I do, however, read it online all the time! It’s the terrible statement of “I don’t feel like it”... whatever “it” is. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy teaches the concept of 3 states of mind – rational mind, emotion mind and wise mind. Rational mind is how it sounds – logic, reason, planned, science. Emotion mind is the opposite – feelings, reaction, impulsivity, the “right now”. Wise mind is the product of combining the two. Ideally, wise mind is where we want to be most of the time for most decisions. When someone says “I don’t feel like it” they are stuck in emotion mind. I had a young guy tell me this a couple weeks ago when I asked what was getting in the way of him getting to class and he replied with “I don’t feel like getting out of bed” and my response was “I didn’t FEEL like getting out of bed this morning either, but look, here I am, meeting with you”. We discussed the idea of doing what is consistent with your goals, regardless of how you “feel”. My goals are consistent with making weight and lifting as much as possible at nationals, so last night when I “felt” like eating a cookie that didn’t fit into my plan for the day, I did NOT eat the cookie. I was tired on my way to the gym and felt like I wanted to buy a coffee and sit for 3 hours and watch gymnastics and play on my phone, but I didn’t. Instead, I went to the gym. This is different than “I’m sick and need to recover”. I’m talking about “I had a long, unremarkable day at work and don’t feel like training”. I behaved in ways consistent with my goals, not my current feelings.

The other thing that comes up often is this idea that just because you have a thought, it must be true and you must do something with it. This ties closely to the idea of the above idea, but it’s a slight variation. We know in psychology, thoughts and feelings are different and they are both different than actions. If I were to say to someone “last night you were feeling tired and wanted to skip the gym... what were you thinking?” They will often say “I was thinking I’m tired”... no, what were you THINKING... what were the thoughts that went along with that feeling? Instead of pushing my imaginary person here, I’ll use me. When I was feeling tired, I was thinking “wow, a coffee would be nice... wow, sitting on the couch relaxing would be nice... it’s only one training day, right?” So, my thoughts were different than “feeling tired”. If I were someone who acted on my thoughts, what would I have done? I would have bought a coffee and sat on the couch, rationalizing away that it’s “only one” training day. I often use the example with clients “I am a banana!” (Thanks Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and they look at me stunned and I ask them “did I become a banana?” Well, no, obviously. So, you mean, I can THINK something and it isn’t true? I can think “I’m over weight and weak, so I might as well not bother” and it doesn’t have to be the truth? An extension of this I use is that I can think “I am a banana” and not only did I not become a banana, but I have ZERO obligation to find a banana suit and dress up as my best banana. You can think something and yet, have zero obligation to act on that thought. I use this one often with thoughts of suicide and self harm (although, if you are having thoughts of suicide, please call your local help line, Kids Help Phone, 911, go to the ER or another place you are safe! This is not a replacement for the assistance you need). Last night I thought “mmm, a cookie would be good” and I had a bite and then I thought “mmm, I could totally eat that whole bag of cookies” and I walked out of the kitchen thinking “I’m not going to make weight if I eat a bag of cookies”. I had no obligation to eat that bag of cookies just because I thought about it. You can replace your thought with a more helpful thought, or you can just observe the thought and notice there is no obligation to act on it.

The point is, our thoughts, feelings and actions are connected, but ultimately we get to choose what we do. Neither our thoughts nor our feelings about a situation are an obligation to act in a certain way. Instead of skipping the gym and eating a bag of cookies, I remembered that I have bigger goals than what I want now with my emotion mind. I pulled on my rational mind, went to the gym, had a bite of a cookie and made choices that are consistent with what I choose (but those cookies ARE really good).