Letting go of expectation of result

Something I learned from a bowling coach (yes, until about 2 years ago I competitively 5 pin bowled), was the idea of letting go of expectation of results. Let me explain... I'm on the approach, I have control over what I do, sometimes I even threw a really great ball, hit the pocket flawlessly, and sometimes that corner pin would still stand. Now, this might even happen a few frames in a row, and then I'd start to get frustrated, so I'd likely get a little tense. In bowling that can mean not finishing the shot and even more corner pins standing, or worse, lots of head pins. Then, one day I had one of my mentors tell me to let go of any expectation from the pins. I can do what I can do and only that. Sometimes the pins are not going to fall the way I think they "should". But, I can't control them. I can only control me. So, let go...

That doesn't mean let go of a desire to do well. Or let go of doing your best with the things you can control. It means simply, let go of this idea that something "should" happen just because you did what you could. We can apply this to many things. Weight loss - you can control your calories in and calories out, you can eat "healthy" choices, you can clock a perfect mathematical weight loss plan... and you still might not lose the kind of weight you "should".

How about as it relates to lifting? Put the time in the gym, do all the work, have your nutrition in line, the peak phase is perfectly executed. Meet day still might not go according to plan. Your opener might need to be dropped. You might have a problem with touching in your shirt. Maybe that deadlift that "should" have been easy didn't budge.

Apply this to basically anything you can think of!! I've picked just a few, but it works with almost any scenario. Relationships? Do what you can, invest the way you believe, do everything in your power... but ultimately you cannot control the other person and s/he may not act the way you believe s/he "should". In trauma work, I can implement the model I use exactly how it's written. I can make it safe and fun and create an environment where healing "should" happen... and it still might not. I have a quote on my computer. It's been in my life since 2003 and on my various computers since 2008 - "Today I will do what I can... And I will give the rest up to the Universe". I can only control what I can... I only have so much power and so much influence. Ultimately, I cannot always control outcomes.

I love this quote because it simplifies this idea. I need to know what I can control and what I should let go of to be healthy and happy. Trying to hang on to what those pins do 60ft away is only going to be frustrating...

The insidiousness of stress... and why I haven't blogged

This blog isn't going to be filled with lots of photos (maybe just a few). Frankly, I just don't have time for that right now. What it is going to be about is stress and how it can have such a devastating effect on us. I thought I was invinsible to stress. I figured that if I could get through what I got through years ago, I was basically a stress-busting machine and nothing could get me. I WAS WRONG!

It started in May. I bought a new house; couldn't sell my old house. Then in July I moved, but 3 days after I moved, I competed in North Americans. So, while I was preparing for a major meet, I was packing and doing all the things required when you buy a house. It wasn't easy. Then that ended, but it was the summer and my kids go a million directions all summer and I end up traveling more than I end up staying home. Plus, I keep working full time, and usually put my hours in over fewer days so I can open up lots of days for travel. And I kept training. I also don't drink much and am not a big partier. But, 3 of the last 4 weekends of the summer I did both. While that was psychologically fun, it was still very stressful physically. Add on that my kids started back into school, my youngest started competitive gymnastics (which I started paying for) and we had to find horse back riding lessons; my eldest got a job, but doesn't have a license so I'm the transportation and she started high school, which made for an intense couple weeks. OH YA!! I was still training. Not just training, but also running my brother's highest volume raw block. And then, we opened a new hospital and I had to move work locations to a place that I wasn't necessarily thrilled about. The body cannot tell the difference between physical and psychological stressors. They all pile on.

Cue: health problems. Rapid, excessive weight gain. Edema in my legs that wouldn't subside. Severe mood swings with little provocation. Shortness of breath. Well, that got me a nice little amount of medical testing (the edema and shortness of breath is what really did it I think). Nothing was wrong with me!! My own GP did note my cortisol was on the "upper end of optimal". Started working with a naturopath. The best conclusion we have is that I just let the little things pile on without ever really dealing with them. This is why I say stress is insidious. It slowly accumulates and we almost don't see it happening. Until it levels us.

I started doing something I never thought I would do - I started intentionally relaxing. Call it meditation or relaxation or whatever you want. The important part was that I started taking intentional time to focus on breathing slower and deeper. I know some stuff about the brain and metronomes, so I actually started doing this every morning to an 80bpm metronome (I've since slowed it to 75 because 80 got to be too fast!).

My life is still stressful. I'm a single mom of 2 girls, both busy. I train and compete and love it. I work full time and do a lot of what I'm passionate about (child trauma work). I travel loads back to Alberta. It just means more and more that to maintain this kind of busy lifestyle I need to be diligent with my own stress management. My weight has started coming down. The edema is pretty much gone. The mood swings are basically nil and I haven't noticed extreme shortness of breath recently. I haven't done my metronome breathing in 4 days though, so I think it's time to use this blog as my reminder that slacking on relaxation is only going to bite me in the... ;)