The power of our people (it's what makes Unparalleled Performance so great)

We have all seen the quote:

Most people accept it as true even though it can seem quite simplistic in nature. It's so wonderfully and devastatingly true though. I see it in my work all the time. When we are trying to help folks break out of some negative, harmful cycles they are entrenched in, often we talk about changing the peer group... because of the various levels of influence those people have on us. I want to talk about this in a more lighthearted way though.. related to training.

People often say they don't expect Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan to somehow be this unusual "hub" of excellent powerlifting. I think any of us that have been interviewed by radio, tv, newspaper get asked some variation of the question "what makes this happen?" The gym... the people in the gym... the passion in the people! We make each other better. We push each other, support each other... tease each other ;) It's more than just being there to spot for one another. It's the energy in the place and the fact that every single person there loves the sport and wants to be better.

Last night this was so apparent I felt the need to write about it! Not only do I get to train in this facility, but I get to train with the best lifters in Canada and I'm lucky enough to call some of them family (the rest I call my powerlifting family anyway!). Rhaea was in her suit at first, and Pam and I were doing our belted work sets of squats and then moved on to our belt and wrap singles. Or, so we thought it would be singles. As Pam finished her first one in her wraps, Rhaea said "do another", so Pam did. Rhaea went over, and did a wrapped set of 5 (with enough weight it makes new lifters' heads spin... still mine sometimes!). My turn... I'd already done my first single with wraps, I went up, just a bit over my target weight... and when I did the first, it felt good, so I did a second. I joked that I couldn't be a slacker when these 2 were working so hard. But, it's true! If I'd been there with 2 other people who were just doing the basics, I probably would have too! Now, one squat doesn't make the difference. But, take that one squat, multiply it by 6 days a week, 52 weeks a year and all the meets we hit up as a group and now you're talking about a huge impact.

When we surround ourselves with people who push us to be better, we can rise to the occasion. This is about process and work, not numbers. We all can't squat what Rhaea squats, but we can use her drive to improve as the example by which we set our own standard to work harder and drive ourselves to be better. This is what makes Unparalleled Performance Training Centre and Moose Jaw the "hub" of powerlifting in Saskatchewan... heck, one of the best in Western Canada. We have the best because we create an environment where we brew the best. While I'm not one of the "original founders" of Unparalleled (proud to brag I'm the sister of the "owner" though), I'm so incredibly grateful to be a part of this place!

Thoughts, feelings, actions and COOKIES!

This one is going to be kind of “psychology heavy” but I’m going to take some psychological concepts and strategies and apply them to real life food and training examples. The power of psychological concepts is that they can and should be applicable to pretty much everything we do.

The first thing I want to write about is something I hear most days from someone. Not always at work, but of course, given my job, I hear it in that setting. I do, however, read it online all the time! It’s the terrible statement of “I don’t feel like it”... whatever “it” is. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy teaches the concept of 3 states of mind – rational mind, emotion mind and wise mind. Rational mind is how it sounds – logic, reason, planned, science. Emotion mind is the opposite – feelings, reaction, impulsivity, the “right now”. Wise mind is the product of combining the two. Ideally, wise mind is where we want to be most of the time for most decisions. When someone says “I don’t feel like it” they are stuck in emotion mind. I had a young guy tell me this a couple weeks ago when I asked what was getting in the way of him getting to class and he replied with “I don’t feel like getting out of bed” and my response was “I didn’t FEEL like getting out of bed this morning either, but look, here I am, meeting with you”. We discussed the idea of doing what is consistent with your goals, regardless of how you “feel”. My goals are consistent with making weight and lifting as much as possible at nationals, so last night when I “felt” like eating a cookie that didn’t fit into my plan for the day, I did NOT eat the cookie. I was tired on my way to the gym and felt like I wanted to buy a coffee and sit for 3 hours and watch gymnastics and play on my phone, but I didn’t. Instead, I went to the gym. This is different than “I’m sick and need to recover”. I’m talking about “I had a long, unremarkable day at work and don’t feel like training”. I behaved in ways consistent with my goals, not my current feelings.

The other thing that comes up often is this idea that just because you have a thought, it must be true and you must do something with it. This ties closely to the idea of the above idea, but it’s a slight variation. We know in psychology, thoughts and feelings are different and they are both different than actions. If I were to say to someone “last night you were feeling tired and wanted to skip the gym... what were you thinking?” They will often say “I was thinking I’m tired”... no, what were you THINKING... what were the thoughts that went along with that feeling? Instead of pushing my imaginary person here, I’ll use me. When I was feeling tired, I was thinking “wow, a coffee would be nice... wow, sitting on the couch relaxing would be nice... it’s only one training day, right?” So, my thoughts were different than “feeling tired”. If I were someone who acted on my thoughts, what would I have done? I would have bought a coffee and sat on the couch, rationalizing away that it’s “only one” training day. I often use the example with clients “I am a banana!” (Thanks Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and they look at me stunned and I ask them “did I become a banana?” Well, no, obviously. So, you mean, I can THINK something and it isn’t true? I can think “I’m over weight and weak, so I might as well not bother” and it doesn’t have to be the truth? An extension of this I use is that I can think “I am a banana” and not only did I not become a banana, but I have ZERO obligation to find a banana suit and dress up as my best banana. You can think something and yet, have zero obligation to act on that thought. I use this one often with thoughts of suicide and self harm (although, if you are having thoughts of suicide, please call your local help line, Kids Help Phone, 911, go to the ER or another place you are safe! This is not a replacement for the assistance you need). Last night I thought “mmm, a cookie would be good” and I had a bite and then I thought “mmm, I could totally eat that whole bag of cookies” and I walked out of the kitchen thinking “I’m not going to make weight if I eat a bag of cookies”. I had no obligation to eat that bag of cookies just because I thought about it. You can replace your thought with a more helpful thought, or you can just observe the thought and notice there is no obligation to act on it.

The point is, our thoughts, feelings and actions are connected, but ultimately we get to choose what we do. Neither our thoughts nor our feelings about a situation are an obligation to act in a certain way. Instead of skipping the gym and eating a bag of cookies, I remembered that I have bigger goals than what I want now with my emotion mind. I pulled on my rational mind, went to the gym, had a bite of a cookie and made choices that are consistent with what I choose (but those cookies ARE really good).

Things 5 pin bowling taught me about powerlifting...

This one is kind of funny, and something I've talked about a bit with people but never organized into one place. First, it's quite enjoyable to me when someone in my "lifting world" finds out that until a couple years ago I 5 pin bowled quite seriously. In fact, I was a bowler long before I ever touched a barbell... I was a bowler before I knew what a barbell was.

1) Bowling taught me it's neither the small details nor the big picture. They both matter! In bowling, you have 10 frames a game. Often, you have many games. No single ball or frame will make or break the day, but if you don't take into account that every ball matters, you can end up taking each opportunity for granted. Each day in the gym matters, gotta go put the work in, but no one day will make or break a training cycle. It's about how you put all those days together just like how you put all those balls and frames together into the big picture that matters. You can't focus on one without acknowledging the other though.

2) Bowling also taught me how to save adrenaline for when it matters. I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but trust me when I say there can be a lot of adrenaline just like in any sport. Adrenaline wears you out. You need to learn how to save the adrenaline for when it matters so you don't get totally worn out. If you need a bunch of adrenaline every time to show up to throw your 4 games in league, you'll never survive a 20 game day without crashing, so you learn to practice without adrenaline. Same goes for lifting. Save the adrenaline for a meet, or at the very least, PRs in the gym. You should not be hitting PRs every day you train unless you are brand spanking new. If you need adrenaline surges and to be hyped up just to hit your every day squats, what happens in a meet? How much more hyped do you need? You should be able to hit that opener without a big burst of adrenaline... or you might want to reconsider your opener.

3) Bowling taught me to save my energy and effort for game time and turn it off in between so I didn't get burned out. Imagine long days, several games a day, 10 frames a game and however many balls you might throw (hopefully it's fewer rather than more). If you didn't learn how to turn it off in between, you'd crash and burn in a couple games. This relates to the adrenaline stuff. You can't stay "up" all the time. It's too exhausting! So, you need to learn how to come off the approach, finish that frame in your head, get some mental space until it's time to step up again. Develop a habit or pattern of behaviour that helps you to do this. For me, I'd slap hands, give my next teammate some encouraging words, and then I step to the very back of the group - the physical space allowed my brain to get mental space. When the player before me was up, I would make my way to the approach from the back of the group. This was closing that space, physically and psychologically. I would then start giving myself mental cues and listening to my coach's voice. Often I would nod in agreement. Often I would smile or laugh as well (the tension relief is powerful). In powerlifting this is the same. I'm sure that sometimes my laughing and joking in the staging area can feel like I'm not taking things seriously, but instead, I'm actually distancing myself mentally so as to not exhaust myself too early. Most of the time, after an attempt, I'll come off, agree on a next attempt or tell my coach to make the call and then crack a joke or talk about something else. I'm giving myself psychological distance. I can tell you, when I haven't done this, I've had a harder time, just like in bowling. If you can't give yourself the psychological break in between frames or attempts, you will crash early.

4) Now this one is important. My old bowling coach would understand if I said "ABIC" - that stands for Any Bowler in Canada. What that means is that on any day anything could happen and I could beat any bowler in Canada... but that also means that any bowler in Canada could beat me. This is a message in humility but also respecting other athletes and the sport. I could go in to any event, being considered the "favourite" to win, and still have my ass handed to me. I could go into any event, being a total underdog and win as well. I can think of instances where both of these happened and I've tried to bring this to powerlifting. It was a bit different for a long time because in powerlifting, in many instances, I'm not exactly considered a favourite to win, but of course, like anything, it depends who is there. But, the message stays the same - if I go into a meet and assume that I am going to win because "I'm stronger, better, etc" I might find out very quickly that the universe has plans in humility for me. It does not frankly matter what my bests are vs my competitors... I still have to respect the fact that I need to go out there and do the work and not take it for granted. I am a firm believer when you stop believing and respecting that there is always someone better than you, you will get your butt kicked!

5) Bowling taught me the value of competition and hard work. Dedication to a game or sport is a wonderful thing. The time you spend putting in the work that doesn't always pay off as planned, but fuels your fire anyway. I can think of a tournament where I went in after months of corner pin drills and I won, likely because I spared more corners than the girl who came in second. It ended up being a tournament of corner pin spares and my hard work paid off. I can also think of times where I practiced months on end, and showed up that day and couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! It was like I was throwing bricks. Powerlifting is the same - training can go very well and you face the reality on game day that you might have a flawless meet... or you might be throwing bricks LOL But either way, regardless of how it's going, be a competitor in spirit. Do your best in that moment and compete with integrity. If I go back to bowling, I have said I will have the phrase "play with integrity" stitched on my towel because it is that important. You may win, you may lose, but always compete!

Letting go of expectation of result

Something I learned from a bowling coach (yes, until about 2 years ago I competitively 5 pin bowled), was the idea of letting go of expectation of results. Let me explain... I'm on the approach, I have control over what I do, sometimes I even threw a really great ball, hit the pocket flawlessly, and sometimes that corner pin would still stand. Now, this might even happen a few frames in a row, and then I'd start to get frustrated, so I'd likely get a little tense. In bowling that can mean not finishing the shot and even more corner pins standing, or worse, lots of head pins. Then, one day I had one of my mentors tell me to let go of any expectation from the pins. I can do what I can do and only that. Sometimes the pins are not going to fall the way I think they "should". But, I can't control them. I can only control me. So, let go...

That doesn't mean let go of a desire to do well. Or let go of doing your best with the things you can control. It means simply, let go of this idea that something "should" happen just because you did what you could. We can apply this to many things. Weight loss - you can control your calories in and calories out, you can eat "healthy" choices, you can clock a perfect mathematical weight loss plan... and you still might not lose the kind of weight you "should".

How about as it relates to lifting? Put the time in the gym, do all the work, have your nutrition in line, the peak phase is perfectly executed. Meet day still might not go according to plan. Your opener might need to be dropped. You might have a problem with touching in your shirt. Maybe that deadlift that "should" have been easy didn't budge.

Apply this to basically anything you can think of!! I've picked just a few, but it works with almost any scenario. Relationships? Do what you can, invest the way you believe, do everything in your power... but ultimately you cannot control the other person and s/he may not act the way you believe s/he "should". In trauma work, I can implement the model I use exactly how it's written. I can make it safe and fun and create an environment where healing "should" happen... and it still might not. I have a quote on my computer. It's been in my life since 2003 and on my various computers since 2008 - "Today I will do what I can... And I will give the rest up to the Universe". I can only control what I can... I only have so much power and so much influence. Ultimately, I cannot always control outcomes.

I love this quote because it simplifies this idea. I need to know what I can control and what I should let go of to be healthy and happy. Trying to hang on to what those pins do 60ft away is only going to be frustrating...

The insidiousness of stress... and why I haven't blogged

This blog isn't going to be filled with lots of photos (maybe just a few). Frankly, I just don't have time for that right now. What it is going to be about is stress and how it can have such a devastating effect on us. I thought I was invinsible to stress. I figured that if I could get through what I got through years ago, I was basically a stress-busting machine and nothing could get me. I WAS WRONG!

It started in May. I bought a new house; couldn't sell my old house. Then in July I moved, but 3 days after I moved, I competed in North Americans. So, while I was preparing for a major meet, I was packing and doing all the things required when you buy a house. It wasn't easy. Then that ended, but it was the summer and my kids go a million directions all summer and I end up traveling more than I end up staying home. Plus, I keep working full time, and usually put my hours in over fewer days so I can open up lots of days for travel. And I kept training. I also don't drink much and am not a big partier. But, 3 of the last 4 weekends of the summer I did both. While that was psychologically fun, it was still very stressful physically. Add on that my kids started back into school, my youngest started competitive gymnastics (which I started paying for) and we had to find horse back riding lessons; my eldest got a job, but doesn't have a license so I'm the transportation and she started high school, which made for an intense couple weeks. OH YA!! I was still training. Not just training, but also running my brother's highest volume raw block. And then, we opened a new hospital and I had to move work locations to a place that I wasn't necessarily thrilled about. The body cannot tell the difference between physical and psychological stressors. They all pile on.

Cue: health problems. Rapid, excessive weight gain. Edema in my legs that wouldn't subside. Severe mood swings with little provocation. Shortness of breath. Well, that got me a nice little amount of medical testing (the edema and shortness of breath is what really did it I think). Nothing was wrong with me!! My own GP did note my cortisol was on the "upper end of optimal". Started working with a naturopath. The best conclusion we have is that I just let the little things pile on without ever really dealing with them. This is why I say stress is insidious. It slowly accumulates and we almost don't see it happening. Until it levels us.

I started doing something I never thought I would do - I started intentionally relaxing. Call it meditation or relaxation or whatever you want. The important part was that I started taking intentional time to focus on breathing slower and deeper. I know some stuff about the brain and metronomes, so I actually started doing this every morning to an 80bpm metronome (I've since slowed it to 75 because 80 got to be too fast!).

My life is still stressful. I'm a single mom of 2 girls, both busy. I train and compete and love it. I work full time and do a lot of what I'm passionate about (child trauma work). I travel loads back to Alberta. It just means more and more that to maintain this kind of busy lifestyle I need to be diligent with my own stress management. My weight has started coming down. The edema is pretty much gone. The mood swings are basically nil and I haven't noticed extreme shortness of breath recently. I haven't done my metronome breathing in 4 days though, so I think it's time to use this blog as my reminder that slacking on relaxation is only going to bite me in the... ;)

Happiness as a verb

When most people talk about happiness, they talk about it as a state of being. Being happy is a thing to be. It's "something"... in a basic sense it's happiness as a noun.

People have all sorts of "wisdom" about how to become happy. Here's a few ideas below that I found with a quick search.

See what I mean... so tell me, HOW do you DO these things? What's the real action in doing this? Do you just have to think it? So is happiness just thinking magic happy thoughts?

Once upon a time I was this woman, with 2 great kids, a career that was moving forward doing pieces of what I love, participating in a sport I love in the gym that is the epitome of excellent, having just moved back to the city where my family is. I remember being so sad and being in bed thinking "when do I get to be happy? I do all this good work in the world and I'm kind and decent mom... why don't I get to be happy?" AND THEN SLOWLY IT DAWNED ON ME... When am I NOT happy? Well, I'm happy with my kids (I mean, they're kids, it's not all fairy tales and rainbows, but I was generally happy with them). I'm happy at my job (I make decent money and get to work with abused kids, which is my passion). I'm happy in the gym (it's hard work, but I love it). I'm glad I moved back to this city (although sad about it for other reasons). I guess I WAS happy... I mean, sure, there were times when I didn't experience happy, but overall, it was true - I was happy :)

THIS ^^^^ DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!! If you are not happy, find things that make you happy and do them more often. Happiness is not a magical state of being that just descends upon you one day... happiness is a VERB.. it's a WAY OF BEING... it's action! So, if you just read a bunch of happiness quotes that are abstract and you don't really know how to make it happen, don't worry. Just identify one thing you can do that makes you happy... do that as many times a week as you can. Then find more things that make you happy and start doing those. If you don't know what makes you happy, start your journey to find out. Now, go into the world and DO HAPPY!!

Comparison doesn't have to be the thief of joy

I said this recently and I'll keep saying it.

We've all heard it... this is a fairly famous quote. But, what if instead of thinking of comparison as the thief of joy, and hence, trying to stop comparison, we just changed our thinking.

"Social comparison theory states that in the absence of objective measures for self-evaluation, we compare ourselves to others to find out how we're doing. Going back to our example above, the measure for how good your concerto is depends on comparison to other concertos. Does it hold up to Mozart's concertos? Is it better than most other modern concertos? There are essentially two types of comparisons that people make: upward comparisons, or comparing ourselves to others who are better than we are, and downward comparisons, or comparing ourselves to those who are not as proficient as we are at a given task." http://study.com/academy/lesson/self-comparison-theory-upward-vs-downward-social-comparison.html

What if I told you that you could use comparison to feel better about your situation? Well, that's exactly what social comparison theory says. We could make upward comparisons and say "I suck" compared to that person. We could make downward comparisons and say "that person sucks", but what if we spun it to be positive? What if, instead of "I suck" you said "I'm not as good at X as that person, but look where I could strive to be!" AHHH!!! And, what if, instead of "that person sucks" you said "Wow, I should be thankful for what I have (skills, talents, possessions, job, etc)" Again, AHHH!! In both situations we aren't allowing social comparison theory to place negative value on our comparisons... we are noticing them and using them, either to strive for better OR to be grateful.

I don't look at the beautiful Marte Elverum (above) and say "wow, I suck, I'll never be that strong, that outgoing, that pretty"... I look at her and say "wow! I can get stronger... look what a beautiful woman can do... maybe I can be better too". Conversely, I don't look down on other lifters who aren't as strong as me and say "oh, I'm so good compared to you", I am grateful for all the hours I spent in the gym and all the coaching I've received and the nutrition help I get. At the end of the day, don't allow comparison to be the thief of joy! Use it to drive you to happiness, gratitude and the knowledge you can achieve more than you probably believed.