Mirror, mirror, what do you see?

This post comes with a big disclaimer: This blog is not meant to be a substitute for direct therapeutic intervention. It is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is primarily my thoughts and opinions and should not be used in place of individual or group therapy services. If you believe you may have a serious condition that requires intervention, please contact your doctor or local Mental Health services.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? This post is one that I have resisted writing, in part, because I find the topic a bit overdone, but also because it's a highly personal topic for me. A wonderful woman, April, who has become someone I consider a dear friend, asked me to write about it, and I can't say no to her ;) How is my take on this going to be different? Well, I'm not going to tell you simply that you should go lift weights and transform instantly into a powerful, strong, self assured woman! That's what most people do, right? I've read all those blogs... and those, combined with my lifting and my education have not been successful for my magical transformation and surge of all good feelings of self worth.

Most of us are going to struggle with this from time to time. We can call it self worth, self confidence, body image... it all comes down to the same thing. At the end of the day, it's about how we view ourselves and in turn, how we speak to ourselves about that. We've all heard the term "fake it till you make it" and it's actually true! If you tell yourself over and over that you are strong and beautiful, your brain will start to believe it... but, if you tell yourself over and over that you are fat, ugly and unworthy, well, your brain will believe that too. We live in a society where most of us can never live up to the images we are bombarded with. This used to be a "female problem" but more and more it is becoming non-specific... guys have these ridiculous standards now too. I'm not going to tell you to "get over it". One more post like that and I think I might scream. What about those of us that don't just "get over it"? Now, one more time I get to feel like I don't live up... not only do I not live up to the physical standards of society, but now I get to feel bad that I feel bad that I don't!! I'm going to ask a few questions that I hope you will think about though... 1. What do you think might happen if you stopped criticizing yourself all the time? 2. What is the worst or most threatening part of liking yourself where you are at? 3. How do you think your life would change if you liked your body? 4. What needs to happen for you to decide that you want to like your body? 5. How will you know it's time to change the way you see yourself and the way you talk to yourself? There's more I could write, but I think these get the point across. That's how this blog is different... I'm not going to tell you that you SHOULD like your body... who am I to tell you what to think, do, like or act? Heck, I'm sure as heck not going to climb up on my soapbox and shout from the rooftops how you should all love yourselves when I wake up many mornings and pick myself apart and do all the things I wish we didn't do to ourselves.

As I said above, this isn't therapy... but, if you think you might like to start making some changes in how you talk to yourself, how you view your body and challenge the negative self image, here's some ideas. I'm giving you slightly non-conventional ones here, but basic CBT thought replacing works too, but lots of people know that already... 1. No full length mirror month - this can help for body image stuff, but if you are picking apart your face and hair too, it won't work the same. I know this works, because when I broke my full length mirror, I found after a month or 2, I had stopped obsessing over my cellulite... I stopped using the dry brush, pin pricky thing, creams and I stopped crying most days and telling myself how hideous I was. Out of sight, out of mind. 2. Sticky note positive affirmations - this is stolen from a million other people but mostly from a therapist I worked with (I was the client) and she had me buy bright neon sticky notes and write positive self statements on them and stick them all over my house. Here's the kicker - phrased positively and present tense. Write "I am fit and healthy" not "I will be fit and healthy"... fake it till you make it, right? 3. Trace your body - this one can be powerful and can invoke a lot of feelings. The task goes - you take a long sheet of paper (big enough you can have someone trace you) and you draw what you THINK your body is... then you lay down and someone traces what you really are. I like to up the ante on this one by having the person write all those negative phrases, words and thoughts down on this paper... every nasty thing someone said to you or you said to yourself... the thoughts that haunt you and make you feel terrible... sit with that paper... see it and really feel the way those words hurt and sting... now, when you are ready, shred it or burn it... and with that tearing or burning, I want you to speak out loud all the things you are giving up with that - give those thoughts and the hurt, sad feelings to the Universe.

Be well in the world... and please, if you need more support, find someone locally you can speak with. Sometimes these struggles are a symptom of a more serious condition and you deserve to seek support for that. Don't be afraid... things can be better.